Things I’ve Learnt Thanks to My Break-Up: One Year Later
It’s a peculiar and particular type of sadness. I can be both fine on my own and terribly lonely
One year ago, I caught my partner cheating on dating apps. You can read that story here. This post is a follow on from a piece I wrote at the time: Things I’ve Learnt Thanks to My Break-up.
One Year Later
The day comes when you’re looking at old photos of you together and you don’t recognise yourself in those pictures.
Single life is painfully expensive, yet somehow the money always comes.
This year, I’ve partied less and shopped more. My mental health can’t handle hangovers or not having something nice to wear.
I’ve changed a lot in the last year. Sometimes I want him to know how much I’ve changed. The irony is that I wouldn’t have made those changes if he was still here.
Everything takes longer than anticipated. When we broke up, I told myself it could take as long as a year to find someone else. That time has been and gone.
In some ways, I feel worse. I’m carrying a heavy weight of feeling that my life isn’t how I want it to be.
It’s a peculiar and particular type of sadness. I can be both fine on my own and terribly lonely.
Out of that loneliness has come space for the new.
I’ve made new friends, had many new experiences and put myself in situations that I wouldn’t have done if I were still with him from unusual retreats to handstand classes. I joined a new yoga studio where so many people now know my name.
Confidence comes from the humbling experience of being a novice. It doesn’t come from the shallowness of online dating.
It’s been a time of living out my fears and I’ve been facing my body’s fear of going upside down in my handstand class. I’ve spent months building the foundations of strength and I’m so close to the final stage.
I was so anxious when I was with him that he wasn’t the one and now I’m sad that I know he wasn’t.
I went on a date too soon after the break-up. I was unlucky as he wasn’t particularly nice. I cried the whole next day.
I sometimes get bored of myself and wish someone was here and because my imagination is too lazy to conjure up the image of someone else, that someone I wish for is him. I then have to ask myself - what am I really missing?
My dating content does well, but I don’t want to write about dating. I want to be writing about love.
I’m excited for what comes next. It’ll be so much better because it has to be.
With love,
Tiff x
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I am going through a breakup myself. It's been a measly month and I am tired of feeling + crying. I also can't see past him cause who could be better? I just want everything to STOP!
This was so beautifully written - thank you. I really get that sense of sadness x