Why is friendship so often overlooked?

Lessons from a Romanian bathroom on finding love in unexpected places

For me, the bathroom is a private space and I don’t like brushing my teeth in front of other people. Unless, it’s my friend

Anna Codrea-Rado

, who I enthusiastically invited to join me in the bathroom on our recent trip to Bucharest. 

We have the same electric toothbrush, because we have many of the same things. Our tooth-brushing timings would therefore be perfectly synced. We took turns to spit and wash our faces. I used her serum, she used my moisturiser. During this time, there’d be a rare pause in our conversation because we do not stop talking. 

The trip was planned at the last minute. Spontaneity is so rare in adult friendships. Events in our thirties are often planned so far in advance and usually have a label attached to them, often a heteronormative one that adds a heavy layer of obligation to proceedings. My trip to Bucharest with Anna was for no reason at all other than it’s just fun. 

The sun shined for us every day. 

I liked Bucharest, but the two of us could have a good time anywhere. We went on missions, such as to find a traditional bakery in a wall and a wine bottle opener for our hosts. We’d seek out trendy coffee shops and trendy people. We delighted in riding the tram. We’d walk past buildings and debate what they could be before checking Google: one time, it was a prison. 

More often than not, we were taking silly pictures. 

Me & Anna taking silly pictures

I love learning about the lands my friends are from. We met some of Anna’s family and tasted some Romanian food. At night, with the lights off, Anna would read to me the country’s history. I noted how uninterested so many people are in my background and just see Cyprus as a holiday destination and nothing more. I felt annoyed on Anna’s behalf if people weren’t sure where Bucharest was when I said we were going there.

Perhaps our foreign heritage strengthens our friendship. We are outsiders who communicate with each other bluntly which is very efficient. I speak so freely in front of her that sometimes it’s like she’s an extension of my brain. 

A friend said that they didn’t have a friendship like Anna and mine, partly because they travelled a lot growing up. When she said that, I wondered how many people do have a friendship like ours. There’s something unique about it. While similarities such as foreign dads and artistry bond us together, we’ve also had our obstacles to overcome: awful boyfriends, dog allergies and no longer living in the same place. Remembering that reminds me that our friendship is a choice we make every single day. 

To join me on the trip, Anna had to overcome her fear of flying. I learnt through reading her newsletter on the subject that I’d been a good companion for this. She also mentioned what a true friend I was for sitting in the middle seat on the plane for both journeys. This hadn’t bothered me at all. There’s no resentment when it comes to love. 

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single. Historically, it’s been a day when I’ve focused on what I’m lacking. However, on this day and all the others, there’s something I have that others do not and that’s my friendship with the one person I’m happy to see me brushing my teeth. 

Do you have that special friend you’d like to appreciate this Valentine’s Day? Click the button below to forward this to them.