āEvery date, even if it lasts less than an hour, is an emotional rollercoaster. Thereās really no such thing as a low-stakes date.ā Yes!
What keeps me away from apps (after giving them their due) is the amount of emotional maneuvering it all requires. Thereās a āprocessā followed by actual dating--a before and after. It feels like work and finding the one shouldnāt make me feel miserable like apps tend to. This doesnāt happen if Iām being set-up by friends, meeting by reference, or just serendipitously. It takes a special kind of emotional armour to be on apps. Iāve concluded that I donāt own it. *sigh
I write about my 20s dating history and it looks like dating hasnāt improved in the last decade and a half. I loved the way you wrote about these dates with boundaries and perspective (something I didnāt have then). Youāre so right that why should you fit around an 11.30am date when it doesnāt suit you and to realise that the fact he didnāt ask also didnāt suit youā¦and the Pret guy. š¤¦š»āāļø š Fingers crossed your manifestation works. š¤š» I love following Zeta at Zee to Zen and have had some readings and Iām all about this mindset shift that works toward the life you want. Congrats on so many subscribers. š„³ I need to buy your book!
Tiffany! This is such great advice. Iām older than you by a decade-ish, and my daughterās younger than you be the same amount roughly. Until recently weāve both been on the apps (Iām off of them at least for a bit). Itās been rather a riot to compare at these different life stages the differences and samenesses of the experience. I can see bits of both of us and our approaches and reactions in this piece. Thanks :)
Tiffany, You are a beautfiul woman. Rarely do I see women with your beauty. I wish I was closer to you, you would be on a pedestal to me. I find it rare that women are willing to put their arms out to men these days. Usually it's not even a handshake jsut a hello till they get to know the person more. Myself I believe in male chivalry. Something I am seeing lacking these days. I was stunned when I went to a door and opened then saw too women behind me and I said to them, "Ladies first" as I always have. Both women looked at me strange and one of them said, "I don't believe it, male civalry!!" I found it stunning to me. My only guess is the way you were brought up by not only parents, but grandparents and teachers. My female teachers were very strict. We always had to let girls go first and we could not wear hats once we were inside. We had to wait till we were outside before we could wear them again even if it was snowing.
Thanks, a read I can really relate to, as always. Don't laugh...but I found 'The Rules Handbook' by Fein & Schneider inspirational for putting down boundaries about how I would and wouldn't be treated and dated. Some of the original 1990s book's thinking was very US and a bit OTT to us Brits but they've refined and nuanced their approach and I found it made a big difference to the quality of my dating life, and it seemed to work. Met my husband of 7 years via an online Meetup group when I was 49 (though he swears he thought I was 38 š). x
āMy life is colourful and fun and finding someone vibrant enough to join me in it is a hard task. So much of that colour is the glorious people Iām surrounded by. I forgot how good those people are until Iāve been exposed to all the meh people out there through online dating. I appreciate how much I enjoy the company of my frighteningly smart but wonderfully silly friends. How talking about stupid things with intelligent people is so goddamn interesting. How through these excellent people, I often meet other great people, too.ā
I felt this sooooo much! You should know I was waiting in a doctorās office lobby for my name to be called when I imagined what it was like to steal your book from a bookstore! The most banal surroundings exploded into a surreal, hyperventilating scene and Iām pretty sure I scared a few old ladies who were sitting across from me as I was typing up the caper... watching my face as it flushed with excitement ..., but they got themselves written into the story; one of them looked like she was having a craving for a mince pie ššššš
Fun, wicked smart people who are willing to drop everything and join in on a silly quest at the drop of a hat is everything.
Oh, routine checkup. Iām not gonna die of anything anytime soon, which is a huge disappointment to my enemiesā¦ but, life goes on!
āEvery date, even if it lasts less than an hour, is an emotional rollercoaster. Thereās really no such thing as a low-stakes date.ā Yes!
What keeps me away from apps (after giving them their due) is the amount of emotional maneuvering it all requires. Thereās a āprocessā followed by actual dating--a before and after. It feels like work and finding the one shouldnāt make me feel miserable like apps tend to. This doesnāt happen if Iām being set-up by friends, meeting by reference, or just serendipitously. It takes a special kind of emotional armour to be on apps. Iāve concluded that I donāt own it. *sigh
Thank you for writing this, Tiff! There is a way of filtering potential dates before you agree to meeting called the āburned haystack method,ā where youāre encouraged to state your needs etc and it helps avoid people like Mr 11.30. I know, it sounds like yet another thing to exhaust your brain but Iāve found it a pretty good filter. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/online-dating-was-hell-then-i-tried-1-thing-that-turned-out-to-be-a-total-game-changer_uk_64edfc34e4b0293d9286828e
I write about my 20s dating history and it looks like dating hasnāt improved in the last decade and a half. I loved the way you wrote about these dates with boundaries and perspective (something I didnāt have then). Youāre so right that why should you fit around an 11.30am date when it doesnāt suit you and to realise that the fact he didnāt ask also didnāt suit youā¦and the Pret guy. š¤¦š»āāļø š Fingers crossed your manifestation works. š¤š» I love following Zeta at Zee to Zen and have had some readings and Iām all about this mindset shift that works toward the life you want. Congrats on so many subscribers. š„³ I need to buy your book!
Tiffany! This is such great advice. Iām older than you by a decade-ish, and my daughterās younger than you be the same amount roughly. Until recently weāve both been on the apps (Iām off of them at least for a bit). Itās been rather a riot to compare at these different life stages the differences and samenesses of the experience. I can see bits of both of us and our approaches and reactions in this piece. Thanks :)
The handshake had me rolling, what the heck ?
I met my now boyfriend of 6 years on Tinder, it waw fairly easy and thank God bcoz dating in your thirties is hard.
I am also against morning people š
Tiffany, You are a beautfiul woman. Rarely do I see women with your beauty. I wish I was closer to you, you would be on a pedestal to me. I find it rare that women are willing to put their arms out to men these days. Usually it's not even a handshake jsut a hello till they get to know the person more. Myself I believe in male chivalry. Something I am seeing lacking these days. I was stunned when I went to a door and opened then saw too women behind me and I said to them, "Ladies first" as I always have. Both women looked at me strange and one of them said, "I don't believe it, male civalry!!" I found it stunning to me. My only guess is the way you were brought up by not only parents, but grandparents and teachers. My female teachers were very strict. We always had to let girls go first and we could not wear hats once we were inside. We had to wait till we were outside before we could wear them again even if it was snowing.
Thanks, a read I can really relate to, as always. Don't laugh...but I found 'The Rules Handbook' by Fein & Schneider inspirational for putting down boundaries about how I would and wouldn't be treated and dated. Some of the original 1990s book's thinking was very US and a bit OTT to us Brits but they've refined and nuanced their approach and I found it made a big difference to the quality of my dating life, and it seemed to work. Met my husband of 7 years via an online Meetup group when I was 49 (though he swears he thought I was 38 š). x
Yes to all of this!! X
I'm also against morning people. I'm also against daytime dates for exactly the reasons you mentioned!
It's such hard work on the apps that it's not worth forcing it when you're really not feeling it.
Put it on billboards!!!
Oh my god always protect your energy! And always order the chai latte!! xxx
āMy life is colourful and fun and finding someone vibrant enough to join me in it is a hard task. So much of that colour is the glorious people Iām surrounded by. I forgot how good those people are until Iāve been exposed to all the meh people out there through online dating. I appreciate how much I enjoy the company of my frighteningly smart but wonderfully silly friends. How talking about stupid things with intelligent people is so goddamn interesting. How through these excellent people, I often meet other great people, too.ā
I felt this sooooo much! You should know I was waiting in a doctorās office lobby for my name to be called when I imagined what it was like to steal your book from a bookstore! The most banal surroundings exploded into a surreal, hyperventilating scene and Iām pretty sure I scared a few old ladies who were sitting across from me as I was typing up the caper... watching my face as it flushed with excitement ..., but they got themselves written into the story; one of them looked like she was having a craving for a mince pie ššššš
Fun, wicked smart people who are willing to drop everything and join in on a silly quest at the drop of a hat is everything.
Oh, routine checkup. Iām not gonna die of anything anytime soon, which is a huge disappointment to my enemiesā¦ but, life goes on!